The term “love bombing cycle” may seem strange, but many people experience it. It’s a behavior pattern that begins with strong affection. Narcissistic people often act this way, but it usually leads to pain and confusion.
This manipulative tactic is employed by individuals with narcissistic behaviors to gain control. It’s a confusing process for someone to find themselves trapped in.
It often goes in a cycle: idealization, devaluation, and then discard. This leaves the recipient feeling emotionally drained.
What Exactly is Love Bombing?
Love bombing cycle refers to showing a lot of affection very quickly. It aims to manipulate someone. This process did not even originate with personal relationships.
One of the earliest instances of love bombing cycle comes from the 1970’s. Sun Myung Moon, the founder of the Unification Church in the U.S., coined the term “love bomb.” He used it to describe the behavior of members.
Strong affection can be good. However, it’s important to note the intent to manipulate and control. Real affection builds slowly and respects your limits. It lets you progress at a pace that feels right for you.
The Idealization Phase: A Whirlwind of Affection
The narcissistic love bombing cycle typically starts with the idealization phase or love bombing phase. This initial stage might involve quick, intense declarations of love or claiming you’re their “soulmate” shortly after meeting.
Grand romantic gestures, like lavish gifts or planning, can feel thrilling, and might occur quickly. Constant communication via texts, calls, or social media might make you feel desired and valued. Research has even suggested excessive communication as part of the love bombing cycle strategy1.
All of these signs alone can seem harmless, and can make it complicated to see that this connection may be an unhealthy relationship.
The Devaluation Phase: From Pedestal to Criticism
As the love bombing cycle progresses, the idealization phase gives way to the devaluation phase. The partner who once showered you with affection might now become critical, dismissive, and even unavailable.
This shift can be confusing and devastating, often leading to unhealthy relationship patterns. If you find yourself constantly seeking validation from your partner, it may be a sign of codependency—a dynamic where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to their approval.
Simple disagreements might trigger sudden withdrawals of affection or cutting remarks. They may begin to question or undermine your decisions and achievements.
Manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting and blame-shifting might surface. The person who once made you feel loved and cherished now leaves you questioning yourself, your worth, and you could start wondering if their feelings ever mattered.
The Discard Phase: Feeling Disposable
The final stage of the love bombing cycle is the discard phase. The person’s abrupt ending to a partnership can feel ruthless, with very little thought to how devastating the situation may feel to their victim.
“Love bombing cycle is a manipulative tactic often used to gain control over someone by overwhelming them with affection and gifts.”
Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The person could display indifference, moving on quickly without remorse or concern. Their partner might blame you for the demise, offering minimal or no closure.
This sudden shift leaves you questioning the entire relationship and your own self-worth. This could leave people second-guessing if there were any legitimate moments.
Breaking Down the Cycle: Common Behaviors and Motivations
Love bombing cycle behaviors are excessive actions to connect to the target quickly. Grand gestures can involve expensive gifts or trips, and they might create a fantasy of a future together within weeks of meeting.
Frequent contact is typical for these partnerships. These manipulative tactics help people to understand what these type of people crave.
Studies point out some insights into how these types of interactions manifest themselves. They can appear quickly, making people question what is going on around them.
Why Do People Love Bomb?
It’s important to clarify that while love bombing cycle is frequently connected to those that exhibit signs of narcissism, it is not done only by them. Research shows that individuals with higher levels of narcissism are likelier to do this2. A study showed love-bombing was used by those who also show insecure attachments3.
Someone may want a new supply, using love bombing cycle to keep someone under their control. Some people struggle with trusting their partner, and that insecurity makes people act out in inappropriate ways.
It serves their need for attention, however, true affection values your autonomy, encourages your growth, and allows the relationship to grow organically. The way one gets someone engaged with bombing love might suggest someone is needing reassurance in quick, shallow ways.
Is It Love Bombing, or Just Enthusiasm?
Love bombing cycle isn’t the same as genuine, rapid feelings of connection that can occur. It’s crucial to examine the overall context and any underlying patterns, including evaluating the impact on your well-being and boundaries.
Love is typically about valuing you. Being open and encouraging your individuality is what makes true love feel warm and comforting.
A normal healthy pace and honest expressions is how they build up their bonds.
| Genuine Affection | Love Bombing Cycle |
|---|---|
| Respects your boundaries and pace. | Ignores boundaries and pushes for rapid commitment. |
| Expresses affection gradually and appropriately. | Overwhelms with excessive compliments and gifts. |
| Builds emotional safety through honesty. | Fosters dependency for control. |
| Stable connection that strengthens with trust and compassion. | A partner using quick connections to mask shallow displays of affection. |
How Long Does Love Bombing Last?
There’s no fixed time to a period of love bombing cycle. How long things go depend on the two individuals.
One survey of people who were targets reported that the love bombing cycle went for five and a half months on average with men. With narcissistic women it was three-and-a-half months4.
Those love-bombing will go for as long as they think is needed. Once they’ve secured strong emotional connections from their target, their motives switch.
How to See Beyond the Initial Charm
Spotting love bombing cycle in the moment can be very difficult. They give so many compliments, spend time and money, and plan quick meetups, that their charm seems magical, overwhelming you with affection.
A family member might notice quicker than you that your new person is moving things too fast. People who do these things act obsessively.
Reflect on whether the pace feels healthy and sustainable for you. Constant check-ins may feel caring but they might demand this of you, too, and the love bombing cycle can seem great at first until you start noticing your needs for others or rest going unmet5.
Listening to Your Inner Voice
If your partner is showering you in attention to that point that your other hobbies start getting neglected, consider what is driving this situation. Do they have an inflated sense of insecurity for being without your constant care?
It is never right when they seem more invested in being with you and making you only focus on them. That disregard for boundaries is what typically pushes others away.
Consider setting firm boundaries early. People might push back when you don’t respond and fit in to what they imagined for the new bond.
Taking Care of Yourself
Being targeted with a bombing partner can be difficult. These partners are overwhelming.
Try to give priority to yourself by thinking through what happened. It’s fine if at the end you have determined this experience had too much negativity.
Take moments to talk to close friends to share and compare these feelings with the partner. Talking about it and evaluating where things stand in a partnership can make situations better to assess and to plan through.
Online therapy or counseling, especially with experience with narcissists and codependency, might be an option. It could also be the way you are able to regain emotional well-being.
Being trapped and caught in their emotions will not serve anyone any value at the end of the day. If you suspect you’re in this situation, consider finding a mental health professional for guidence.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you know if you’re being love bombed?
Look for extreme gestures early on, constant communication demands, and rapid pressure. Think over whether their affection changes or becomes manipulative over time. Pay attention to any patterns.
Early stages can include planning for the long-term future and discussing future plans.
A relationship feeling out of your control should be watched. You can speak with a health professional.
What phrases do love bombers use?
Common phrases include “You’re my soulmate,” or, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” early on. Excessive compliments like “You’re perfect” or “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me” can be other signs.
An abusive partner will say things to make you feel like you have a strong bond very quickly. They may shift to being cold after getting your attention.
They might be fostering dependency so that you continue on even if they are love bombing love bombing style over and over.
What is the pattern of love bombing?
It often starts with an intense, fast amount of care, including over-the-top gestures. This changes when the partner plans more for their own convenience. They may make demands or isolate you. Afterwards they show less attention and disregard. The cycle usually repeats. A narcissist can shower you with affection one day and then change completely the next.
What is an example of love bombing?
Constantly texting and calling, and giving expensive or lavish gifts early in the relationship. They declare them to be your soul mate very early on, and pressure you to commit quickly.
These are some warning signs and things to watch out for in the early stages of dating someone new. Many will call these actions red flags and something to pay attention to.
If you experienced love bombing and the cycle repeats, they may not longer have feelings for you once the bombing phase is over.
Conclusion
Recognizing the love bombing cycle empowers you to break free. Intense starts can happen in real relationships. Watch for red flags that signal an abuse cycle. This is important, especially if the relationship has a narcissistic approach.
If you’re wondering if a partnership began with intense love, support is here.
Small Step, Big Impact
If you recognize these patterns in your relationship, prioritize your well-being by setting clear boundaries and seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professional counselors.
- https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-love-bombing[↩]
- https://scholarworks.uark.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=discoverymag[↩]
- https://scholarworks.uark.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=discoverymag#:~:text=Love%2Dbombing%20was%20identified%20as,means%20of%20narcissistic%20self%2Denhancement.[↩]
- https://unfilteredd.net/how-long-does-the-love-bombing-phase-last-case-study[↩]
- https://survivingnarcissism.co.uk/love-bombing-the-narcissists-bait-for-control/[↩]
